Librarian of Intangental Thoughts

Pondering changes

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 01:54:53 GMT

So in three short weeks my life will end up altering greatly. My Master's degree will be finished, my job will end because it is a requirement of the job that I be a student, and I will officially join the ranks of the unemployed. Hopefully, the unemployment will be minimal and I will be able to secure employment within a month or two after graduation. As odd as it feels, thinking of all of these pending changes to my life, they are not on the forefront of my mind recently. There are more pressing matters at hand. For example, one thing I have been spending much time meditating and thinking in general about is my future domicile. I am not sure at this point whether I am going to stay where I currently am or move out and, if I do either, it will only be a temporary situation until I find out where I am going to have a career. It honestly does not seem as though I am going to be changing my entire life within less than a month. There are other choices I also need to make, and those I have more control over. Ironically enough, those choices are the most difficult of all to make and will, in part, determine the direction I go. If life is anything, it is unpredictable and constantly in flux. My calendar's advice for the day was to "Make a decision and stick to it." Sadly, I do not think there will be any concrete decisions made today unless I have an epiphany within the next few hours. My horoscope said that today I am likely to be "overwhelmed." That seems the more likely of the two scenarios. Tomorrow is another day. At least, for the next 5 days, I do not have work or academia plaguing me. I can take this time and count it as a mini vacation. I just don't think my mind will end up taking much of a vacation...

Light versus darkness

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 03:49:13 GMT

Yes, I know, nearly two months since the last posting and it never ceases to amaze me how busy life can be. As of now, I have managed to finish the attendance of my practicum, am winding down with my classes, and in five short weeks I will successfully have completed my Master's degree. Today I even applied for a job and I hope I get it. It is my dream job. Applying for jobs can be taxing and time consuming, but when you apply for one that you genuinely desire, it can make you nervous too because then you end up counting the days until you may possibly hear something back.
Anyways, it is also interesting that this semester has by far been the most odd of all my graduate semesters. Have you ever been in a situation where you are finally about to get everything that you always wanted, and then right before you get it, you realize that what you wanted is not at all what you want anymore? A similar situation is currently happening to me. In addition, it terrifies me to think of wanting anything other than what I have been working so hard for so long to achieve. What is the point of all that hard work if the end result is not even something that will make you happy? Then, does it make sense to go into that situation knowing that it will possibly not make you happy, but that you don't want to waste all that work, so you reap the benefits of the end result. Instead, the correct and more noble choice would be to chuck away fears and go with your gut feeling and end up daring to imagine a different type of life for yourself. There are too many people who go into something just because they feel that others "expect" that of them or because "everyone else is doing it." What a stupid reason to continue doing something that clearly makes you unhappy. The truth is that very few people who work hard for something, even if that something ultimately will make them unhappy, will have the courage to change paths. It is scary to change directions when you finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. Changing directions means that you get to travel back into the darkness and uncertainty and who knows where it will lead you? I don't know where it will lead me and I have no idea if I even have the courage to take the dark and uncertain path when I am clearly seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

Time flies...

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 21:14:02 GMT

This semester is flying by way too fast already. The first day of Fall was this past Tuesday, I only have one more week before Thiel's homecoming and then the start of my second class, not to mention my time on my practicum is flying by and I am scrambling to find time to crochet and look for a job. Sigh. I guess I want to have my Masters so I can move out so it is good that time is flying, but it just took me by surprise nonetheless

Patrick Swayze

Tue, 15 Sep 2009 14:19:03 GMT

Last night Patrick Swayze died after a nearly two year battle ith Pancreatic Cancer. As one of the most stunning men ever in acting, he will be missed by friends, family and countless fans like myself. It is a bittersweet event as while he will be missed and mourned for, his suffering has now come to an end.

At peace

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 02:16:29 GMT

Tonight I am certain without any shadow of a doubt in my mind that I would be perfectly blissful living by myself. Everyone else in the house left for a time tonight and I got to watch tv, crochet, drink wine and even bake some comfort food (of which chocolate was included, of course). It was such a relief to not have people in my vicinity and be able to relax, ponder things, wonder about other things and generally unwind in a way that I seldom have the opportunity to do. For now, this brief moment of time, I am at piece. Oh and by the way, the book i am now reading is motivating me to practice more yoga and meditation...

The calm before the storm

Fri, 28 Aug 2009 20:20:07 GMT

I have accepted that there is nothing to do about things beyond my control and thus far, I have gone through the day without any further mishaps. It is almost time for the weekend and I have no plans but to relax and enjoy the time off. Hopefully the sunshine will be out to keep me company in the next few days. It is sort of like the calm before the storm...next week is sure to be a busy one

My skein is tangled

Thu, 27 Aug 2009 09:55:28 GMT

It is now just after 5:30am and I cannot sleep. Of the two dreams I have had tonight, the second one was both less and more disturbing. I believe the first of the two was less intimidating because it had that unrealistic quality that most dreams possess. That quality where the dream may seem to be scary or even down right terrifying during the dream, but afterward, when you are awake, it seems to fade away into an insignificant existence.
The second of my two dreams was much worse because it entailed an air of reality of events that I would like very much to happen but have no control over making happen. I woke up unable to sleep for fear of dreaming of the very same subject matter and it is one that lurks in the shadows of my mind. It is one of past events that happened over three years ago and yet they still haunt me. As much as I push these events to the back of my mind, it still bothers me that the control needed to change how these events unfolded or, better yet, to make future events happen in order to mend past ones, is no longer mine. I am completely dependent upon another in order for such events to occur and I hate that.
In my dream, speaking of the past issue that still (at least according to my subconscious) haunts me, I was able to finally confront the other person, tell them everything exactly as I would like to tell it and they even understood me. The relationship was mended and the idea that everything worked out so well (I suppose this is the air of unreality present in dream 2) left me feeling slighted when I awoke to find things just as they were when I fell asleep. Over time, these events have moved deeper and deeper into my mind, and, most of the time, I feel as if I have managed to forget them completely. I realize that they are now part of who I am and that they will creep up to haunt me at the most unlikely of times. I doubt they will ever be resolved. Perhaps the reason I am managing to mend problems perfectly in my dreams is because lately I feel that my life is almost to where I want it to be, but not quite. There is also nothing I can do to hurry along this process and so I remain subject to the passing of time.
Here is how I feel this morning...
My skein is tangled
Pass the yarn
Cats run in the wild

Perhaps the reason I love to play with yarn so much is that I can always bend it and shape it however I want to. I feel in control of it. Not so with life. I think I also have such a bond with cats because they are able to live the carefree life that humans want to lead. Humans have too many demands already set upon their time, but cats can do as they choose, when they choose, how they choose. How nice that would be!

An independent existence

Mon, 24 Aug 2009 15:01:51 GMT

Summer has flown by. Most of it spent working in the air conditioning, drinking wine outside, and jaunting as many weekends as possible anywhere outside of my current residence. This is the last week before the Fall semester starts. The way my life is scheduled it appears that this will prove to be the busiest semester yet. However, it is also my last as a student for a while. The next time I enter the academic atmosphere it will be from the other side of the table. On that note, I have already begun the tedious yet necessary process of employment searching. With any amount of luck, I will become employed with a more permanent position within the next few months and can figure out where I am going after I finish here. It is so much less stressful to search for employment while already being employed (even if my current employment is on a temporary basis). I fear that very soon I will not have nearly as much time to career search as I do now and the semester is sure to fly by; as all of the previous ones have. I can only hope that I am gainfully employed soon and that I can put forth as much time as possible this fall in my quest for an independent existence.

Longing

Tue, 04 Aug 2009 13:59:42 GMT

It is only after I visit him that I am reminded how empty I feel when I am not with my love. These past two years have been a roller coaster with us being apart and only able to see each other but once every few weeks. I miss him so much and I count the days until we can be in each other's arms again and not have to spend the bulk of our lives apart. I feel as if I am a better person when I am with him and he makes me feel like I can fly. I get to see him in less than a week, but for someone as in love with him as I am, I wish it were sooner and can barely wait until the next weekend.

My love

Sun, 02 Aug 2009 19:12:50 GMT

Nothing makes me happier than being with my Scoogie. When I am with him time does not matter, all I can see is him and all he can see is me. We are in our own little world and everything around us becomes a hazy blur. Our emotional and physical attachment is too strong for any natural forces to ever break. I count the days until I will once again be with him every day instead of a few days every other week. I can't wait to be with my love...

Time to enjoy summer...finally

Wed, 22 Jul 2009 13:50:26 GMT

Thus far, my summer has consisted of lots of work, classes, and many road trips. Other than the increased number of road trips, my summer has not been that much different than a regular school semester. Now, my classes have officially ended and my work hours have slowed down a bit. In short, for the first time this summer I am able to enjoy the summer without the regular academic obligations of graduate school. Now I have time to focus on getting a job. I am a bit worried that I won't be able to find a job by the time I graduate in December. I am also worried that come fall, when I will really need to focus on getting a job, I won't have time because I will be finishing my practicum and getting ready to graduate. Sigh, even when it seems that my life has calmed down, it is just an illusion. There is always something else...

A Roller Coaster Weekend

Tue, 14 Jul 2009 15:54:55 GMT

This past weekend has been a roller coaster. It started on Friday and Saturday by going to a workshop on "Designing Successful Grant Proposals." The workshop was a lot of fun and very informative and most our assignment was able to be done in class so now all I have to worry about is the final write up. I then went to Ashtabula for my first time ever to visit my best friend and former college roommate. The first night I was there, we got to watch fireworks over the lake and I saw one of the most beautiful sunsets ever! The next day included a lengthy Episcopalian church service in the morning(I had never been to an Episcopalian service before but damn do they ever love to talk!) Then that afternoon we went swimming, to a very large community garage sale (I scored a few lamps and some good books too). The day concluded with a trip to a winery and my oomie and I got to sit outside listening to a band, sipping wine together and reflecting about things that have happened and will someday be. It was the most perfectly relaxing weekend. I needed a break from the usual library craziness that is my life and it was just the right amount of time to get away. The only part I didn't like was the hour and a half drive back home yesterday morning. I had to drive straight to work and then later to play wallyball. I didn't get home til late and by that time, I wasn't even able to relax because I had to unpack from my trip.
Not to mention that earlier yesterday afternoon, I got a call from my Scoogie and he told me that his grandma (who has not been doing too well) passed away. Now I got to come home yesterday, tonight I relax and then tomorrow I get to pack again to go to PA for the funeral and such. I feel like all I do is run run run! In my own defense though, I do function better when I am busy. Needless to say, the weekend had some definite ups and downs and that is why it was such a roller coaster. Also, I get to see my love sooner than originally anticipated which is a plus. I also am officially finished with my online classes for the summer so now I can maybe catch my breath for a bit and finally relax....

Finding the most genuine of compliments

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 14:20:43 GMT

Today while sitting at work and minding my own business...going about my daily tasks and what not. A man came up to me and said that he must have seen me "a dozen or more times at the desk." He then told me that he is always stunned by my face (I believe he was telling me that he thinks I am pretty). Anyways, he introduced himself as David and proceeded to ask me what year I was in school and other sorts of things (such as where I got my undergraduate degree, etc.) Then he managed to scamper off to a nearby computer. Now he is sitting roughly 30 or so feet away on one of the nearest computers and asking me questions like "why do you flip your hair?" To which I answered "to keep it out of my eyes"...as if there was a more in depth reason for flipping my hair! He has also asked me if I ever have worn glasses...to which I answered "no" because it is the simple truth. I am quite grateful that I have never had to use corrective lenses or contacts and I hope I never will. This is not the first time and surely not the last that this sort of thing has happened to me at work. When things like this happen, it always stops me in my tracks and makes me think. Compliments are always appreciated, especially when given to me by a total stranger. In some ways, I think compliments given by people you have never met before are the best kind, because they have no idea what you are like and I find these compliments to be some of the most genuine of all. Twenty minutes later and he is still there (not sure if that is a bit creepy or not)

Why I want to be a librarian

Sun, 21 Jun 2009 18:56:52 GMT

Now I am the library kitty and I did not always think that I would be a graduate student pursuing my Master's in Library Information Science, let alone becoming a librarian someday. I have been told many times since I began graduate school that most people who become librarians did not originally see themselves pursuing that particular career path. I am no exception.

When I was younger, I did not consider myself to be anything special. I was not particularly good at school, though my grades were average; B's and C's mostly. I played soccer and rode horse, but never had a knack for sports or art either. I enjoyed singing in a chorus for a while in high school but I was never the best at that either. My parents always supported me in everything I did and for that I am grateful. My mother often used to tell me that the skills that I possessed; like always being able to talk to people whether I have known them for 5 minutes or 15 years, and being good with money, self-driven, and meticulously organized, are skills that will suit me well once I got out of grade school. I also grew up reading books of all sorts and continue to read for fun today. My mother was right; as she so often is. I went to college and found that I was able to flourish as a student during my undergrad years. Majoring in Communication and Business Communication, I maintained better grades the longer I was in college and finished my Bachelor's degree in a short four years.

After I finished, much to my dismay, I found that all the careers my degree had prepared me for were not anything for which I had a passion. After spending six months looking for a job and working for three months as a law secretary (one of the most unpleasant working experiences I have ever had), I decided to look into graduate school. With some nudging from my mom and my aunt (both Educational librarians), I was able to discover Kent and apply by March of 2008 and then get accepted by April for the Fall 2008 semester.

Since I have started the MLIS program, I have found that my love for people, books and organization have culminated together and presented me with the opportunity to pursue my most desired career. For the first time in my life, I like my job and the satisfaction I get in finding information for other people or helping them understand new technologies. Even though it was not always obvious, I know that being a librarian is the right path for me. I also find it easier to succeed when you are doing something you love. I wish that everyone could find the happiness I have been able to find in what I do.

Laughter is recommended

Sat, 20 Jun 2009 20:23:38 GMT

So, the documentation of these events is a little late, but better late than never! Last Wednesday, I was with a friend of mine and we were going out to eat dinner at this amazing little place called The French Coffee Shop. It is the only place around I know of that serves delicious crepes! Anyways, it was raining and as we finished, I went to go unlock the truck we drove in while my friend waited barefoot (she hates wet shoes) on the sidewalk. I go and put the key in the truck (it fit) and tried to turn it without success. I tried a few more times, walked over to the driver's side and tried again; nothing. Finally, my friend comes over and she starts trying to get the key to turn. Meanwhile, I am stuck between finding the entire situation to be entirely too amusing and worrying that we won't be able to drive home. Finally, she realizes that there is water in the bed of this truck...her truck has a cover over the bed that matches the tan color of the truck. We look at each other and realize that the truck we are trying to unlock was not her truck at all but some other random stranger's truck that happened to be the same size, shape and color! Two spaces down in the parking lot we get to her truck (for real this time) and successfully unlock it and crawl into the seats. As if these events were not embarrassing enough, as we drove away, we saw three women standing outside the bar next door to the coffee shop and they were talking, laughing, and pointing at us. One of them even gave us a "thumbs up" sign! My friend and I felt a little less intelligent after the even and she has sworn to never drive her tan truck there again so I guess next time I will have to drive. It is just good that we are able to look back at the whole thing and laugh because, in that situation, laughter is recommended.

Intercession

Mon, 01 Jun 2009 20:55:23 GMT

For one week now I have been involved in my rigorous Intercession class on Library Management. I have two more weeks of this...ugh. The bad news is that I have pretty much been concentrating 24/7 on this class since it began a week ago and I am barely keeping my head above water. The good news is that I am actually really enjoying learning about the information the class provides. That being said, I am so glad that this is my only class during this time because I have zero time for anything but work, class, and well, let's face it, sleep is always optional. I am determined to power through this and I am sure it will be fine. I just have never quite had to cram this much knowledge into my head in this short of a time period!

Signs

Wed, 27 May 2009 20:46:21 GMT

Sometimes the more one travels down a path that is not right for that person, the more reason that same person has to travel down a path that suits them...even when we stray or get confused in what we want or how we want it, there is reassurance in that there are always signs telling us which way to go...which decision to make... all we have to do is know how to look for them and notice them when they come.

An ebbing of the library flow

Fri, 22 May 2009 20:36:47 GMT

Today is the 22nd of the month and for some reason 22 is my favorite number. Not sure why this is, it just is. Today has been a fairly uneventful day. As last week the library was buzzing with patrons studying for finals, preparing for graduation and clogging up the computer stations writing papers, the mobs of hard workers have completely dissipated by this point and left an empty shell of a library. It is so quiet here that one can hear the buzz of the air conditioner and the gentle clicking of the escalator. There are not even any summer classes in session at this point so there truly are next to no patrons here right now. In a few weeks, as the summer class sessions begin, the library may ease into a steady summer flow of work, but for now, silence persists within the building. It is also true that the true hum of the library will not be fully restored until the fall semester begins. Then once again the building will be inundated with students rushing to and fro accomplishing various objectives. For now, it is sunny outside and inside is a time for catching up on neglected projects and relaxation from the hectic school year. I quite enjoy it.

Minusha and me

Thu, 21 May 2009 15:05:14 GMT

It is always interesting when you take an online quiz and it turns out to pinpoint a part of your personality. Most of the time, they are only partially correct, but this one seemed to capture me more than most. My results: "You are a leader, and the calm in the center of a storm. Thoughtful by nature, you enjoy talking (or maybe singing) about the simple things in life. A fierce and loyal friend, you have no problems making friends everywhere that you go. You would like to touch millions of people in life and make them happy, you see the beauty in everything. You can be frazzled, but it is usually very short lived, a quick blow up, then you are back to your usual calm self."

On that note, there has not been much else to report lately. The semester is over and I still have five days left until my next class begins. Yesterday I went to Cedar Point to help chaperone a bunch of munchkins (middle schoolers, but I call them munchkins nonethteless). I rode a fair amount of rides and even had an adventure trek across a desert of pavement to a hoity-toity restaurant that wasn't even open when we got there. Ahh well, I still had fun and got more sun than I'd like to admit. I think the highlight of my day was learning a new word. Minusha. This word is used when referring to something that is so minute, petty and insignificant that it is not even worth it to argue about or concern oneself with. I like this word very much and have been reconsidering the things that upset me lately. Most of them consititue minusha and I realize that there is no point in being upset over trivial matters. It is just not worth the hassle. Save the stress for more pressing issues and let the minusha go.
I

In the library

Wed, 13 May 2009 23:33:41 GMT

Life has been entirely too busy lately for me to make an updated entry. Things are finally slowing down for now so here I go...As of 6:30 last night my last final of the semester was completed. I am officially over halfway done with my master's degree now and the idea of getting a job is beginning to loom with gray clouds over my head. The next two weeks are my own. I can relax, crochet, read, visit with friends that I have been unintentionally avoiding...pretty much do whatever I please. It is a very nice feeling too, knowing that I have no academic obligations for the next 14 days. I still have work, but that has managed to slow down too. It has been an exceptionally stressful for me and I am glad it is over. I have a headache tonight and for no apparent reason. I may just be excessively hungry. Anyways, now I get to jump start myself into summer. Too bad I don't have an outdoor job like last year. I will be spending my working hours inside this season...in the library.

Sunshine

Sun, 26 Apr 2009 16:34:13 GMT

I spent all day Friday cooped up inside the library doing an assignment that required me to be there. I spent my afternoon staring longingly out the window as the sunshine soaked the earth with golden goodness and wishing I could be among the people strolling casually down the sunlit paths. By the time I actually got the chance to go outside, the sun had already dipped its face behind the trees and the best I was able to get was a glimpse of the glorious light that was so plentiful earlier in the day.
Saturday was a bit better. I was able to spend my morning outside lounging in the sunshine with book and coffee in hand. Then I went to a birthday party where, once again, I was able to be outside and appreciate the ability to drench myself in vitamin D. I am not sure that I spent as much time outside yesterday as I would have liked, but I did spend a significant part of it being one with nature.
Today, I got up early...I think at this point I am phsically incapable of sleeping in...and showered, changed into shorts and a tank, and grabbed my book and coffee and hurried outside again. The sun was, of course, already awake and eager to greet me as I settled into a lounge chair on the deck. I was able to spend a good few hours in the presence of my friend the sun. Then I had to go due to obligations and am now trapped inside for the duration of the day (with the exception of my one hour break later in the day). At least I can put the time to use and get some work done....maybe...

A manageable load

Thu, 23 Apr 2009 02:27:41 GMT

After spending the first half of my week in a stressed-out frenzy, I am feeling much better tonight about...everything. I finally started the last of my big end-of-semester projects and I feel much more confident in the various things I have left to do. Basically, I feel that I have a manageable load now. I did not feel this way Monday or Tuesday this week. Other than that, things are calm and uneventful on the social and family fronts. That is how I want them to be right now anyways. Oh, and my kitten has way too much energy and I wish he could find a way to transfer some of that to me.

A fun time

Mon, 20 Apr 2009 00:25:31 GMT

This weekend I spent a much needed weekend at Mason. I got to see my Scoogie, MCP people (my second family) and relax in the sunshine of southern Ohio for over 2 days. The only drawback of this is that I feel so at home down there, more so than when I am anywhere else and when I get back, I feel out of place. If home is where the heart is, then I guess my heart is forever in southern Ohio. I hope that someday soon I will be able to find a job down there and stay indefinitely. I also met a few new people during my wanderings this weekend. For one, my boyfriend's brother's girlfriend. She is nice enough and sweet, and now at least when he talks about her I can place a face with the name. I also met a few other new members to the group and they will fit in quite nicely I think. Right now I think I am going to spend the rest of my evening relaxing and trying not to think about all the other obligations I have the rest of this week. The semester is rapidly coming to a close, but I still have a lot of work to get done yet. Oh well, for now, I will enjoy not having to do much of anything...

Location, location location

Thu, 16 Apr 2009 16:00:19 GMT

I have managed to recover nicely from my intellectual overload of last night. Today I am recouperating by reading and crocheting...two things that always make me feel in control of my life. In addition, tonight I can relax and go out to eat with my mom...just the two of us. That almost never happens. Tomorrow it is off to Mason again for the weekend.
I was thinking today about celebrities. Specifically, how they are just average people and how disappointing it is that, unless a person is involved in the celebrity world, few people ever come into any real contact with these famous beings. I would love to meet a random celebrity not because I want to follow them or be regarded as a special part of their lives, but just to talk to them and get to know them for who they are...real people. It is so hard to see a person's true colors when the only view you get is through the limelight. Perhaps someday I will get my chance...
For now, the sun is out and shining and that is enough to make me happy.

Totally maxed out

Thu, 16 Apr 2009 00:56:27 GMT

Tonight my brain is officially maxed out at this point and I didn't even do anything to benefit myself. I guess it is a combination of side effects from working too much and proofreading other people's work. Sometimes it is truly a curse to have decent grammar skills and be able to write my way out of a paper bag. I feel like going home, having a nice dinner (yeah, almost 9pm and I haven't had dinner yet!), and then following it up with maybe a glass of red wine. Perhaps the reason I feel so grouchy tonight is that I haven't eaten yet. I tend to get like that when my basic physical needs...food, sleep, go neglected for too long. Unfortunately, living the life of a graduate student does not do wonders for having set mealtimes on a daily basis. At least today is almost done. I am tired, I am maxed out, and I want to cuddle....